A photograph published on the BBC website of the pooing facilities as the Sochi winter Olympics has caused a Twitter storm. The site has communal toilets en masse and a cosy two seater affair whereby athletes can sh*t and have an intimate conversation at the same time. An intimate conversation about what, how smashing Putin is?. They have to say that in any conversation because every conversation in Russia is taped by the KGB.
The Russian authorities explained that they are big fans of Lulu and the toilet pairing is a tribute to her even though her name isn’t actually spelt LooLoo.
The Russians have spent £30m on the games which I’m presuming would have risen to £40m if they’d bought a few partitions. Oddly though the urinals are individually placed with dividing walls. I’m guessing this is because the Russian authorities don’t particularly like gay people and the dividing walls are stop them looking at each other’s willies.
An internal Conservative Party investigation has come to the conclusion that MP Aiden Burley caused great offence by organising a Nazi themed Stag party. Burley bought a Nazi uniform for the groom to wear, seems he had to buy it because he couldn’t get a hold of Prince Harry to ask if he could borrow his. The investigation found that Burley wasn’t “racist” or “ an anti Semite” but it did find that he was a “f****ing t*sser with an IQ lower than the average house plant”.
It has to be asked: was he off school the day his teacher covered the holocaust?. Dressing up as Nazis was bad enough but the Stag Party driving in a convoy of panzer tanks over the Polish border just made matters about a million percent worse.
Attendees also chanted the names of prominent Nazis and I’m assuming they were Hitler, Goebbels, Borman, Goering, Eichman and leading members of the Unite union.
Burley or Gruppenfuhrer Herr Burley as he prefers to be known was sacked as a ministerial aide when the Stag party came to light, but he’s still a MP and can sit in the Houses of Parliament, or the Reichstag as he prefers it to be known as, and he’s still a member of the Conservative Party or the Turd Reich as most people know it as.
That’s the problem with our political system. It just doesn’t allow for MP’s to be kicked out of office for being a total dick. There’s a reason for that. If it was indeed the case the country wouldn’t have any MP’s. There’s a name for MP’s not being kicked out of office for being a total,total,total dick: it’s called the Ed Balls ruling.
THE DOLPHIN CHAINSAW MASSACRE
The Japanese, what are they like?. If they aren’t killing Whales or making POW’s build the Burma Railway they are killing dolphins. Every year the fishermen of Taiji drive hundreds of dolphin into a cove and select some for slaughter and others for sale to marine parks. Being sold to a marine park is no get out for the Flippers because there they get made into Dolphin Burgers which taste like chicken apparently. Because everything unusual tastes like chicken doesn’t it.
Both the US and UK ambassadors have criticised the killings through official diplomatic channels, but the Japanese Government claim that it’s the dolphins own faults because if they are so intelligent how come they are stupid enough to swim in the waters around Japan.
Also in answering criticism about the countries whale killing the Japanese Government said quite rightly that they don’t kill anywhere near as many whales as all the do gooders around the Scottish coast kill whenever whales are beached. Whenever a whale fancies a wee rest on the beach or a bit of sunbathing the so called rescuers turn up and the whale knows that it’s f*****d. Last year three hundred whales were found on the beaches of Scotland and do you know how many the whale rescuers “saved”.
Zero. 70 whales did survive though but only because they go off their marks and back into the water when the saw the rescuers arriving in wet suits carrying buckets of sea water.
The Japanese Government also told the US said “Wait a f****g minute here, 30 dolphins ended up dead, Nagasaki and Hiroshima?, p*ss off”.
Funny race the Japanese though. Last week Shoichi Yokoi a lance corporal in the Japanese army died. He was the soldier who refused to believe that Japan had lost the war and hid out in the jungles of Guam for 28 years.
Some Japanese people saw him as a hero whereas others thought “What an idiot”. Mind you he did pretty well in back pay. He survived by eating nuts and berries
supplemented by a monthly trek to the coast to kill a dolphin.
A bit fanatical though in refusing to believe despite being told by everyone that Japan had lost the war. When he came out of the jungle after eventually being persuaded he had the same “I can’t believe we lost look on his face” as Gordon Brown had and still has over Labour losing the last election. If he had not been forced out of Number 10 he’d still be in there hiding out in a cupboard.