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Saturday, 7 January 2012

ED MILIBAND TWEETS AND SALLY MAGNUSSONS BOOBS

TWEETY PIE.

Ed Miliband, the mans a tweet twat. He tweeted a tribute to Bob Holness the host of the TV quiz show Blockbusters saying “Sad to hear that Bob Holness has died. A generation will remember him fondly from Blackbusters”. Milibands aides tried to blame the tweet on a junior member of staff, because, and get this “sometimes he types them himself, sometimes someone else does”.

In other words the tweets from Ed Miliband aren’t necessarily tweeted by Ed Miliband. So anything which comes from @Miliband might not be from Ed Miliband at all which is dishonest because they’ve actually come from @someone in Ed Miliband’s office. The latter half of Milibands tweet was read by Nick Griffin who then himself tweeted “Contrary to what Miliband says I’m not dead@Nickgriffin”. Some Labour insiders suggest that Ed might have accidentally written black as he was distracted by the Abbot row. So some Labour insiders are saying he DIDN’T actually write the tweet and others are saying he was distracted. Usual divisions within the Labour party then eh?. I suppose he did get Bob Holness’s name correct which is something. He could have tweeted “Sad to hear this His Holiness has died”. It’s rumoured that Labour insiders or Ed Milibands “carers” as they are more commonly known have been checking up on Terry Wogans health. Seems they are worried that Miliband may cock up a tweet tribute to Terry. Can’t blame, after all he did present Blankety Blank for years.



SUE BUS

Lothian Buses are being sued by a driver whose chair collapsed during a tea break and apparently left him suicidal and with whiplash injuries. Whiplash injuries, that must be a mistake, surely it’s a**elash injuries. The driver who is described as Chronically Obese I presume is suing Lothian Buses because they didn’t take his Chronic Obesity into account when ordering canteen furniture. This wouldn’t have been difficult because even Ikea do chairs called Fat B******* specially designed to cope with the strain of being sat on by a Fat B*******. This particular drivers bus was easily recognised driving round the Lothians. It was the bus which arrived at stops with only the front two wheels making contact with the road, the back wheels sat spinning wildly 26 feet off the ground. This of course did make it difficult for passenger to occupy the back seats, in fact given the steep angle only passengers with mountain climbing experience could make it.



Not sure though how breaking a chair could leave someone suicidal. Unless of course the remote control for the Lothian Buses TV in the canteen was under his seat and his a*** crushed it when the chair collapsed, and this now means that the TV is permanently stuck on STV. That can’t the case though because he’s the only one suing them. If their TV was indeed stuck on STV every Lothian Bus driver who uses the canteen would be suing them for being made suicidal.



MARY

And more on tycoon Mary Gorman, the Scottish Sun today reported that she had a smashing and cracking New Year party at her swanky mansion believing that she wouldn’t be facing trial in the States on drug and assault charges.  She now will. One guest said “It was great, apart from the Jona Lewie song You’ll Always Find Me In The Toilet At Parties” being played over and over. The Scottish Sun revealed that guests included Radio Clyde DJ Susie McGuire, music mogul John McLaughlin, ex Rangers player Trevor Steven and all the staff from Onlinebathrooms.com.



WILD AND CRAZY ROCKERS.

The Boy Band One Direction have revealed that they are jolly jokesters because they shave each other while they sleep. Wow, they are mental aren’t they, sort of the Boy Band equivalent of Keith Moon?.  Harry, (whoever the **** Harry is) said “The other day Liam (whoever the **** Liam is) was asleep and Zayn (whoever the **** Zyan is) shaved a slit in his eyebrow”. That certainly puts Keith Moon driving a Rolls Royce into a swimming pool into perspective. Harry also told of how wild they are when he revealed “And see last week we all looked and the page 3 in the Sun and saw a lady’s naked bosom” adding “and it was weird because suddenly we all felt a strange tingling in our underpants that we have never felt before”.  

They also apparently have a penchant for pulling each other’s trousers down. Louis (again, who the **** is Louis) said “I was successful in pulling Nialls (again, who the **** is Niall) trousers down at a service station”. Yes and then they both got arrested as he pulled them down in a cubicle in a toilet.



SALLY.

BBC Scotland newsreader Sally Magnusson has taken to reading the news in a see through top. Normally the only diddies you see on Reporting Scotland are Chick Young and Jamie McIvor, but now Sally has got them out for the boys. Not completely out obviously but near enough. Mind you Reporting Scotland has been going that way with the addition of Cat Cubie as their weather girl. Her skirts are so short and her tops so low it looks as though she’s wearing nothing more than a bandeau belt around her waist. Although you don’t really expect that sort of thing from Sally who is usually known for her gravitas, and you definitely don’t expect to hear “And here’s the news, but first, let’s have a close up of my tits”.